Pope Bernie?

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VLS (Very Large Sausage)

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 People along the river Avon in Stratford, U.K. were astonished at the sight of a VLS (Very Large Sausage) making its way up river, knocking boats out of the way and in some places becoming stuck so that it had to wriggle its way free. The police were called to deal with it but they knew it was hopeless because VLSes don't take orders from the police; they don't have to. Still the officers tried. "This is the Stratford police and we order you to come on shore!" The VLS just kept slowly cruising by. "VLS, if you don't come ashore immediately, you will be arrested for disobeying an order and for resisting arrest!" "Sure. And where do they think they'll put the handcuffs," the VLS chuckled to itself. "They have no idea who they're dealing with, don't even know me, and they're not very friendly." As the VLS continued to float upriver, the police moved about a mile ahead to set up a large net across the river. Eventually th...
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George Washington

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  A certain man by the name of Augustine Sprankowitz liked to consult with fortune tellers, not that he believed everything they said, but this time it was different. The fortune teller told him that one day he would have a son, and a major US city would be named after him. And that city would be the hub of American government.   Augustine went home and pondered over the prognostication. "Sprankowitz City? It's not bad but doesn't really sound dynamic. It needs something better."    And so it was that on a Thursday, just after lunch, Augustine Sprankowitz became Augustine Washington. And upon February 11, 1731, his son was born. Augustine was pleased with his son and said, "I will love him and squeeze him and call him George."
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